Marriages and long term partnerships need touch too! Some relationships loose intimacy over many years of being together: working, raising children and running a home. We get “used to” each other and can forget to include non-sexual touch, words of appreciation and one-to-one time together. One day two people wake up and wonder where their intimate life went?
Intimacy starts with touch, a fresh view of the person we live with (after all they have been growing/changing through the years), curiosity and a willingness to experience something different. If both people are willing, it can be a wonderful adventure.
Some people are afraid of going to sensual massage classes, but a non-sensual beginner’s massage class can be quite doable. There is no nudity and massage stays with the “safe” areas of the body. The journey of going into one’s own body, re-discovering ecstasy through touch and pleasure begins with some basic massage strokes and a bit of ingenuity.
The difference between relaxation massage and sensual massage is largely in the intention that both people hold. For example the same slow long strokes used in relaxation massage can also be used in sensual massage, the difference is whether you agree to allow the sexual energy to be present or
not. So once you have learnt basic massage techniques, you can adapt them to use in the privacy of your own home – and add in candlelight, music, scented oils and the agreement for sensuality to be
Learning massage is mechanical at first. Students often feel awkward and uncomfortable. This “stage” soon passes with practice and making the massage sessions fun. You can do this by using music that is up-beat, or dressing up or just being open that you have to go back to the notes to see what to do next. Don’t try too hard, just have fun and practice! At the end of each session check your notes and decide what you could do better next time.
Here’s a pointer for men. Women love the pleasure of touch - they do not always want to have sex afterwards (even if they appear to be purring during the massage). Purring may just be a way the recipient is showing you their pleasure. It may not mean they give you permission to go any further. If you take it further your partner may become resentful – they may think you had an ulterior motive and feel manipulated. Before you start the massage find out what each other’s intentions are and stick to what you agree. Respect their expression of pleasure and honour the boundaries you have made with them.
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Elayne Lane is an instructor of the Universal Healing Tao. She has been teaching and doing bodywork in excess of 20 years.