How to re-frame that lonely feeling...

Do you ever feel lonely?  I wonder what that is all about.    I am a person who likes time on my own.  It gives me time to relax, to walk or read or study.  To do things I want to do. But I have noticed that there are times when being alone feels uncomfortable. Often I do nothing about it, and grind on through the day feeling a bit empty and dissatisfied. The feeling hangs out with me and, if left unattended, starts to morph in all sorts of directions. I start to wonder what is wrong with me?  If I decide to go down that rabbit hole it can end up in all kinds of dark places (usually ending up with beating myself up) - and that's not a nice way to treat myself!  Recently I decided to explore this more.  

What does loneliness mean to me?    I realized I feel this feeling when I separate myself from people.  Quite literally I isolate myself.  I do have lots of wonderful friends, but sometimes I unplug myself from that network and imagine that I am in the world all by myself.    Instead of ringing a friend up, I focus on being isolated and alone.

One day I realized I could start to see that lonely empty feeling from a different perspective - to re-frame it.   

• Maybe this feeling was a signal saying "you have had enough time on your own now, it's time to have some company".    It's an indicator to me to put some calls out to my friends that it's time to get together
• Perhaps they are feeling alone too or would appreciate someone just saying hi to them or to know someone is thinking of them.  We all know how lovely it is to receive a text from a friend inviting us out or just saying "hi, I am thinking of you".    
• Maybe it's the call to interactions with people who spur me along my life journey:  to discuss where I am at, or to decide where to head to next
• Maybe it's just time to have some fun (the brain loves new activities - a change is as good as a break) 
• Perhaps a change of routine
• It could also be a signal that I need to do some loving things for myself - have a hot bath, treat myself to something nice or praise myself
• Perhaps I have a friend out there who needs a bit of tender loving care and I am tuning in on their signal for some contact

I have noticed that as soon as I do this, I no longer feel isolated and alone.  I have reconnected myself into my network.  Dare I say it, I have connected into the flow of life  And everybody loves feeling that they belong, don't they?

So next time you feel alone, try re-framing it and see what happens.   

Elayne is a Massage Therapist.   She is running a special offer of $50 for a 1 hour session during the month of July.   

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