How to overcome fear of failure
"My house is full of unfinished projects - I start but just cannot finish" my friend admitted me, sitting in her lounge with a sewing project in one corner, art work in another, just waiting to be completed. "It's the same when I'm at work, I see opportunities but I just don't take the chance. I tell myself not to be lazy, yet I just can't get started". Her head hung down, she was frozen with the fear of failure.
As we talked further, she told me that long ago she was successful - completing projects with ease. Now even the safest of projects she could not complete and she couldn't break free of the habit. She admitted she used all sorts of excuses and doubts, no matter how valuable and rewarding the project was:-
- not enough time
- it wasn't good enough (I'm not perfect)
- what if I fail?
- someone else does it better than me
- others might tell me I'm wrong
- my work might not be accepted by other people
She was stuck and her confidence was being eroded away. By not completing a project, she couldn't experience her true potential AND get the feeling of satisfaction of having achieved something.
Fearing failure prevents us from knowing what we might be capable of.
Failure is not black and white, all or nothing, - success happens by degrees. If you learn french and you study it for a few years, you might be able to chat with french people, but you might not be able to pass a French exam. Loosen up your thinking about what constitutes 'success' and 'failure'.
Not all bad comes to do us harm. Failure gives us feedback. We often learn by what doesn't work. If we don't try, we don't learn. Keep an open mind and think in objective terms of feedback and results. This means you will slowly become more confident because what you are doing is tried and tested. Next time ask yourself questions like:
"What's good about this?"
"What else is possible?"
"What skills do I need to develop to get better at this?"
Be realistic. Sometimes outside factors affect our ability to succeed. Maybe your computer doesn't have the right programme to complete the task. Or perhaps you had a bad sleep which impairs your ability to think clearly.
Return to innocence - forget about failure and success altogether. I have been watching my grandson learn to stand up. He fell over many times before he could stand. He doesn't even think about failure or success, he just keeps on practicing.
What does success mean for you? Often we measure success by other peoples' expectations of what it means (and even then we might be second guessing what their expectations actually are). What does success mean for you? A sense of purpose? Good health? Connections with friends? Mastering an activity? What is success for YOU and how does it make you feel good?
As a hypnotherapist I help people get past those frustrating hurdles that prevent them from taking an opportunity, or getting a project done.
What of my friend who was frozen with fear? Once we had worked together she chose the projects that she really loved and has the staying power to get them done. Her confidence went up and now she takes more opportunities at work. She says she's up for the challenge and enjoys the satisfaction that comes with it.
Does failure stop you from moving ahead in life? Contact me to book a session, so you can get a move on and enjoy success.
I have moved
Monday is here and Annie and I have had a super busy fortnight moving house and my business. I am so grateful for all the help of all our families and friends who made our move so easy.
Our new house is down a little lane right beside the Girls College - 386 Trafalgar Street, Nelson. I am pleased to say there are no steps to walk up (the last house had a LOT) and I have a separate area for my office and therapy room which is away from the main house. We also have a large area for parking, so no more driving up and down a narrow street looking for a place to park.
Its business as usual today, so if you are due for a massage, reiki or hypnosis session do get on touch. Life gets very busy at this time of the year and an hour's relaxation (and time out) can recharge your batteries for the long haul. Click here to book.
Have you ever noticed that when you feel an emotion, like guilt, anxiety, discouragement, boredom, or loneliness you want to eat? Food can never resolve an emotion, but it does soothe... temporarily.
In my experience, emotions come and go. They are meant to flow through us - like water through a hose. However sometimes emotions get stuck in our bodies - just like a kink in a hose will block the water flow.
If I could give you a 60 second technique to shift a food craving or an emotion (and un-kink the hose), would you be interested?
My teacher Lori Hammond taught me this powerful mindset tool which I really love because it's easy and super effective. Here is how it goes:-
1. Connect with the craving or emotion. Make it stronger by tensing your body up and shallow breathing in your upper chest.
2. Rate on a scale of 1-10 how strong the craving or emotion is.
3. Sit up straight, and breathe slowly and deeply into your belly while doing this next part. Drop into the feeling.
Where do you feel it in your body?
What colour is it? (Breathe deeply)
Does it have a shape?
Sensation? (Another big slow breath)
Allow to be as vivid as possible. (Take one more long slow breath)
4. Now simply look at it and say in a gentle voice... "There you are - I see you".
5. Don't try to manage it or make it go away. Just notice it and B R E A T H E.
6. As you observe it, you can ask yourself "What if I can feel this and be okay?" Repeat this sentence a few times.
7. Now, look around the room you are in for three things that are red or blue. Name them out loud.
8. Observe the place in your body where that discomfort used to be. Notice how the sensation has changed on a scale of 1-10.
It's so simple, isn't it?
If you want to trim down this spring, would you like to join me on my Weight Loss Made Easy Course starting on the 11th October? Click here to find out more...
p.s. You can get a recording of this protocol from my free resources page on my website. Click here
You can also get my brochure on Stress and Anxiety here too.
Remember a time when you felt ravenously hungry?
What did that feel like?
Where did you feel it in your body?
Now, remember a time when you felt completely stuffed.
What did that feel like, and where did you feel that in your body?
You have taken the first step in re-setting your appetite - to eat when you are hungry and to stop when you are full.
Many of us are not able to recognise our body's natural signals of REAL hunger and when we are FULL. So often we are distracted by TV, our phones or conversation, and we don't realise that we have eaten too much until it's too late.
This 20 minute exercise is easily incorporated into your meal time for a few days and can have a big impact on your weight and health - it is called Slow Eating.
Instead of gobbling down your food, take a few minutes to slow it right down.
When you chew your food s l o w l y - one mouthful at a time - you will start to notice:-
The flavours and textures in your mouth.
As you become more aware of them, you can listen to your body and its messages
" That's enough peas for now" or "I love those crunchy apples, give me some more" or "Put those potatoes with the eggs".
Our body has an innate wisdom as to what nutrients it needs and will speak to you when you listen.
Here's how to slow eat:-
1. Turn off all distractions; i.e. tv, music, phone.
2. Serve up your meal and smell your food - this galvanizes your digestive enzymes into action to help your body break your food down.
3. Take a deep breath in and do a long sigh on the outbreath. This puts the body into 'rest and digest' mode - it neutralises the hormones of stress which makes us store fat.
4. Eat one mouthful at a time and chew your food slowly savouring the flavours and textures. Put your knife and fork down between each mouthful.
5. Notice what your body likes and doesn't like. Listen to it and select foods in the combinations that feel right for you. It might be that you are attracted to the colour of the food, or the texture (crunchy/mushy/chewy), or it could be the flavour or smell.
Concentrate on your food and nothing else. When you eat slowly, your senses get more attuned and give you messages about what to eat. They literally 'draw' you to what the body wants, and make you 'move away' from what it doesn't want. Make sure you enjoy every mouthful. As soon as the enjoyment level drops, it's a signal that it's time to stop eating.
Here is the hunger scale
When your tummy is getting full it releases a hormone called leptin that sends a signal to the brain that you have had enough (you feel satisfied). With every bite after that, your enjoyment of food will drop, and you will also feel more and more pressure in your tummy area.
This is the time to push your plate away. Take another breath in and a slow breath out with a sigh. This reminds your body to rest and digest.
What if you could push your plate away and trust that you have eaten enough?
This teaches you how to tune into your own hunger levels. It resets your body's innate wisdom to recognise when you are getting full and when it is time to stop eating.
If you want to learn more about how to tune into your body, would you like to join me on my Weight Loss Made Easy Course starting in October? Click here to find out more...
Weight Loss Made Easy
Spring is here and with the change of seasons comes a change of clothes. Then there is that moment when you put them on and find out they are too tight. Eeek!
Here are three simple ways to lose weight without counting calories.
1. Eat only when you are hungry, not when you are bored or need something to do. If you are not sure if you are really hungry have a glass of water instead. Often we feel hungry when in fact we are thirsty.
2. A craving for food lasts 90 seconds. When you feel a craving coming on (as opposed to your tummy rumbling):- Stop, straighten your back and lift your eyes as if to look over the horizon. Take several slow deep breaths and say to yourself "What if I can let this desire go easily? What if I can choose healthy foods that enhance my life and feel good?" Continue to breathe deeply and slowly. After 90 seconds say, "All is well" and continue on with an engaging activity.
3. Eat within set times of the day. Grazing from dawn until you go to bed elevates your insulin levels. This hormone causes you to want to graze even more, and that makes you put on weight. Have meals within an 8-10 hour period with wholesome, satisfying foods, and rest the digestive system in between them.
If you like these tips, would you like to join me on my Weight Loss Made Easy Course starting in October? Click here to find out more...
Massages and Courses are Go!
I am pleased to announce that Massage In Nelson is now open for business again. And to kick start it off I'm offering a special price for all sessions this month - $70 for an hour. This includes massage, hypnotherapy and reiki.
I am open Monday and Tuesday 2, 3.30, 5.45 and 7 pm, Wednesday evenings 5.45 and 7 pm plus the odd Friday afternoon. You will see the times on my booking system, or give me a call/txt on 021 221 1949 if you cannot find a time that suits you, and I can book you in.
Do you know of anyone finding it difficult to stop smoking? One the easiest ways to stop is to use hypnotherapy because it accesses the unconscious mind. I have got lots of amazing techniques up my sleeve to help them break the habit. And I offer a free 15 minute phone call or video session, where they can ask questions and find out if I am a good match for them. Please pass this on if you think I could help someone - you could be saving their life!
Some people have been waiting quite a long time for my massage courses to begin. The new dates for the Beginner's Massage Course are 4/5 July, and Intermediate Massage Course are 22/23 August. I have the links at the end of this email with all the information.
Upcoming courses this Summer
Hi, here is an update on the courses coming up.
7 p.m. TONIGHT at Tasman Town Hall in Richmond Molly is running another free class on Aromatherapy. It was a great class last week - Molly is a fountain of knowledge. Don't miss this opportunity, its on tonight. Click here to find out more.
Beginner’s Massage Courses – I have two dates 4/5 April and 2/3 May. Click here for more information.
Intermediate Massage Course – 23/24 May. I don’t often run this course so if you are keen please book early. If you want to do a Beginner’s massage refresher course prior to the Intermediate, you can come on any of the weekends for $100 (subject to space being available). Click here to book in.
If you want to learn Chi Kung, international teacher Gabriella Euterneuer is returning to Nelson mid May. She will be running evening workshops on the 14th/15th May and classes on the weekend. Mark these dates in your diary and Ill keep you informed once plans are finalised. Here's the link.
Ever wanted to learn more about yourself? This Enneagram Course on the 7th March is going to be fun – learn about your personality type and how you interact with other people. Take a look at the details here.
If you want to stop Smoking, I have been learning Hypnotherapy over the past few years and am now ready to start using it! If you genuinely want to stop smoking, please get in touch. I am looking for some people to work with at a nominal cost.
Please feel free to share this with your family and friends. Do give me a call if you have any questions.
2020 Summer Courses
Over the next few months I have some great courses coming up....
Are you interested in learning about Essential Oils? Molly Wastney is running 8 FREE classes on Aromatherapy oils at the Richmond Town Hall starting this week. She is a fountain of knowledge and wonderful story teller - and these 45 min sessions are not to be missed. If this sounds like you, click here to find out more information.
If you are up for some personal growth and development, and want to find out more about your personality type, then you might want to join us for the Enneagram course. The Enneagram focuses on nine personality types addressing the gifts and the strengths of each and discovering ways to grow and become whole. The course is in early March and costs $40. Click here for information.
Massage courses will resume around April/May this year - register your interest here.
If you want to learn some basic hypnotherapy, I am running a class on Friday mornings starting next week. Contact me for more information.
My massage special offer for February 2020 is $70 for a one hour massage. Book here.
Chakra Blend course - 1 October
Would you like to find out more about your chakras? I am running a short course next week about the Throat chakra. If you often have sore throats, communication issues or thyroid issues, come along to this event. Email me to book in.
Stress is connected with being very busy, and sometimes having too much on our plate. The mind gets into an overthinking loop and becomes hypervigilant - always watching out for the next thing to do. A massage is a wonderful way to take some time out:- to calm down, release tension and relax. Here are three benefits to having a massage when you are feeling stressed:
1. You have probably heard of the term mindfulness? Mindfulness brings you into the present moment. It gives you ‘time out’ from your busy mind by slowing your thoughts and brings you back into your body. Having a massage enables you to leave all that busy-ness outside the door, to lie down on a warm, comfortable table and do nothing for an hour. The act of being focused on your body, and the sensation of being massaged, allows the mind to calm down and relax.
2. Have you noticed that your muscles tighten up when you get stressed? Particularly the neck and shoulders? Often when we are stressed we lift our shoulders up just a little and hold them there for long periods of time. Or maybe we stick the chin forward to look at the computer screen. Being in these positions for long periods of time is not natural for the body and over time it becomes painful. The pain then makes us tense up and so it goes on…. Having a massage breaks the cycle and relieves the pain.
3. There is a sense of general all-over body tension that occurs when you are very busy and stressed. Shallow breathing indicates to the body that you are not safe, and it enters into flight, freeze or flight mode. The body tenses up, ready to spring into action at any given moment. Slow, deep breathing into the tummy indicates to the body that you are safe and it can relax. So stress can be dissolved very quickly if you breathe into your belly, gently filling up the lungs all the way up with clean fresh air. I often ask people to “take a deep breath” while I am working with them. This not only helps to release tight muscles, it helps the whole body to let go of tension and relax.
Here are a few tips for you when receiving a massage:
Elayne Lane is a massage therapist and hypnotherapist. She specialises in massage and hypnotherapy. Book here for a massage.
Elayne Lane is an instructor of the Universal Healing Tao. She has been teaching and doing bodywork in excess of 20 years.