Creating effective boundaries is a skill we can develop to keep us safe, stay in our integrity, keep other people safe and be in control of our lives. Common boundaries come up in the areas of:
When our boundaries are weak, we might be seen as everybody's friend, but overwhelm, overload, worry, anxiety, exhaustion, loss of self/identity and "super person" syndrome (the martyr) is not far away.
Many years ago, I went through a time in my life where I felt I had “lost myself”. I did lots of things for other people which I “thought” would give my life meaning – but in the process I forgot who I really was! At this time I came across a course called “Creating Safe Boundaries”. We used hoola hoops to experience what our boundaries were and I discovered that in some areas of my life my boundaries weren’t very healthy.
I wanted to practice saying "no" to people – something I was not used to doing. So I began with the man who I knew would love me no matter what, my father. He would ring me and ask me out for lunch and I would say “let me check my diary”, instead of immediately saying “yes”. This gave me time to think about what I really wanted. Sometimes it was “yes, I’d love to go”, sometimes it was "no, I am sorry I am busy" and sometimes it was “I cannot go this time but how about….”
Over the years I have met some people who tired me out. They were either:
1. Very unhappy people who blamed others for their misfortunes
2. Had a negative disposition
3. They did all the talking
4. Or we just weren’t on the same page anymore.
Gradually I let them go. This gave me more time to be with people whom I felt good with.
Boundaries enhance your life and when we are strong we can enhance the lives of others.
Some of this blog is copied from http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some/
Elayne Lane is an instructor of the Universal Healing Tao. She has been teaching and doing bodywork in excess of 20 years.