For me the most difficult part of breaking the pattern of feeling down is the mind.
1. It tells stories all the time
2. It has imaginary conversations with people over and over again
3. It has to know WHY - which drives us crazy
4. And if the answer to the WHY isn’t nice, it will punish “us” relentlessly or “them” relentlessly
5. Or worse still, the mind could choose to make up a WHY story – which may or may not be true!
Have you ever been on that merry-go-round? I have, and it is not easy to get off.
Also our mindset can create lots of problems for us, often based on things that are not true. Take a look at this TED talk.
A teacher of mine once said “an unkept mind will default to the negative”. And I believe it is definitely like a muscle which needs to be trained. We need to weed out the unhelpful chatter and put in something positive. The mind is one thing that we CAN control in our lives – but it does take patience and practice.
Part of the process of feeling great in life, is getting to know our mindset and directing our mind into a healthy positive place. There are so many attitudes and ideas about life we can have, it is up to us to choose them.
For example: A man gets on a train and sits by a father and his two small children. The children are misbehaving but the father is ignoring it. The man gets irritated by it and eventually asks the father to “control his children”. The father says, “my wife just died in the hospital and we are going home”. The man then changes his attitude and asks how he can help the father.
When we feel low we can get into a strong mindset pattern which holds us in this position. What we don’t know is that there are many other mindsets we could hold but often we just cannot see them. The mindset we are currently in gets very tight.
I remember going through a low period and then being invited to a music festival. The music was wonderful and it made me feel happy. I opened up and talked to lots of people who I had never met. The event changed my mindset and I shifted into a completely different space.
So what feeds a negative mindset:
• Computer games – they make us feel empty and to keep searching for the next “fix”
• The same type of music
• The same type of movies
• Alcohol and drugs
• Repetitive habits that have a “shutting down” affect
• Meeting with friends and complaining about the same things
• Focusing on the past
What changes our mindset:
• Knowing what our mindset is and learning about how to change it
• Listening to uplifting music
• Seeing positive films
• Changing habits
• Hanging out with different people
• Developing new hobbies that take you out of yourself
• Focusing on what you could make happen now
• Spring cleaning or upgrading your living space
• Exercise puts feel good hormones into your body
• Relaxation helps reduce tension in your body and calms the mind
• Being open to new ideas and ways of thinking
If you want help changing your mind, book a session with Elayne.
I recently wrote a blog which helps you make an assessment of where you are at in your life. We all need a starting point in order to move forward. This list actually shows your growing edge – areas to be developed so you are more proficient at life!
It is tough getting through life on your own, especially when you are feeling down. So I want to encourage you to get some support.
Talk to someone. Find a positive person to give you a hand – a wise friend, work colleague, or trusted family member. If you don’t know anyone, then employ a person - a dietician, a massage therapist, a counsellor, a life coach or someone appropriate to the task on hand. Whoever the person is, they must be on your side: positive and caring. Ask if you can meet them on a regular basis for a set amount of time. Also be specific about the type of support you need.
• It could be general. I am feeling .... (and show them your list) and I want to work on feeling better. Could you meet me regularly to discuss this list and give me some encouragement. I need some fresh ideas and positive support.
• It could be specific. I need someone to help me with my diet. Could you meet me once a week for an hour) to:-
a) look at what I ate the previous week and
b) help me make simple changes that would benefit me and
c) give me new ideas. I don’t need someone to tell me off or to write the diet for me.
• I need someone to support me while I learn a new skill. I lack confidence, so I need lots of encouragement. I need to talk to someone about strategies for learning, how to improve and to celebrate change with me.
• I need someone to help me develop skills and acquire knowledge around stress management.
Be clear you don’t need someone to rescue you – in the end you would feel disempowered – you need support. Create a clear “brief” for your helper with boundaries, objectives and clear expectations.
If you need help with changes in your life, book in for a $50 session with Elayne.
I also have Christmas Gift Vouchers available - $50 for a one hour session (valued at $70).
You are not really depressed, but you don’t feel happy either. You know you are off your game and have lost your mojo – AND you don’t know how to get it back. Then it is time to assess where you are at.
So take out a piece of paper and have a look. What is really going on? Look at the headings below and record what is going on for you.
Physical i.e. headaches, tense, sore muscles, tired, poor digestion, constant illness, hormones out of balance.
Emotional i.e. sad, restless, uneasy, angry, frustrated.
Mental i.e. blank, confused, lots of stories going around and around, overwhelmed.
Impacting events i.e. changes in work, a book you have been reading, a tv series or movie that stirs you up, the loss of a friend, a stressful situation, people you mix with.
Diet i.e. how much alcohol and drugs are you taking, is it a healthy diet, are you eating often enough.
Sleep i.e. are you staying up late, not getting enough, exhausted all the time, do you feel refreshed from sleep.
And there is your list. When you look at where you are at, no wonder you feel the way you do!
So did you know that people who face up to their stuff are the most courageous people around? And you have just taken your first step in changing what is going on for you.
Just from doing this exercise you probably KNOW at least three things you could do to help yourself. Write them down on a piece of paper where you can see them first thing in the morning and do them. It is a very good start.
You probably also have some inkling of what you do want. For example:
· I want to be loved
· I want to be fit
· I want to be full of energy
So take these wants and turn them into affirmations – I AM statements:
· I am fit and healthy
· I am energised
· I am loved, loveable and loving
Put them on a piece of paper and say them 80 times a day (10 times every time you go to the loo will work).
Do this exercise once a week and you will see your life change.
Do you need help with changing your life? Elayne has a special offer for a private session $50 for an hour (normally $70). Click here to book in.
Do you ever feel like you are in a boat without a paddle?
Life deals us some unusual cards from time to time. Everything is going really well and looks good for the future, then suddenly, you get a curve ball. The tides change, the flow stops, and the paddle you thought you could depend upon has gone....
A picture is worth a thousand words and there is much you can learn from this one about what to do when the paddle has gone.
If you are in a boat without a paddle, you have limited choices... panic (and probably fall out of the boat) or trust and allow the boat take you where it will. Fortunately other people have also been in this situation and here are some useful tips I have gleaned from them.
1. Work with what comes up.
You are not always able the choose what happens in your life, but you can choose how to react. For example, you may lose something or someone suddenly, and of course it will cause you shock and grief. This is natural. If you take the time to process the emotions you will grow, developing more love and compassion. However you could also become bitter about your loss, and jealous of others who have what you don't. This in turn can make you feel lonely. With the help of your friends, family and professional support people you can work with what comes up to a point where you can accept the situation and move forward - you become more resilient.
2. Focus your intent
In these situations you can either panic or trust that everything will be okay in the end. Trust takes practice to develop. You could try one of the following:-
a) Look at the picture and imagine yourself in that boat. Imagine the boat taking you somewhere wonderful, new, somewhere you cannot begin to know... yet. See how the bird flies ahead, promising land. And also how the woman stands firm, balanced and strong. Let yourself feel her stillness, poise and trust. Regular visualisation will set the wheels in motion for a positive outcome for your sudden change.
b) Use an affirmation: I trust the process of life to manifest my highest good, greatest joy and inner peace.
Life is taking me exactly where I need to be, to be happy and fulfilled.
Change is for the greater good, I relax knowing I am in the flow and trust the new direction.
Affirmations will focus your mind and help you see new opportunities. More on affirmations in my next blog...
3. Reassure yourself
Being without a paddle means you are in the unknown. Its is natural that your psyche will be anxious and worried in these situations. Sudden change does not mean life has to be bad from now on. Yes it is uncomfortable but if you stay in the moment it is okay. Talk to yourself like you would a friend who has had a sudden change. Reassure yourself, be kind and gentle.
4. Find your balance
If you wobble in the boat, for sure you will fall out. So its important to get your footing, look out for what is ahead and stay in balance. Its a time for sharpening your senses! A healthy diet (foods produce chemicals which can balance our mind and emotions), walking in nature, quietening the mind (give it a rest) through meditation, visualisation and creative distraction, having plenty or rest (sleep is the reset button), and fun time out. Sometimes it is good not to talk about your troubles and do something completely different.
Do you need support to make a change? October special offer - 1 hour session for $50 (usually valued at $70)
There are times in our lives when we are just waiting for things to happen. We desperately want change and to move on but for some reason we cannot. A type of "stuckness" is experienced which leads to impatience, frustration and self-doubt. Unfortunately, when we maintain a strong focus on what we don't have, we actually attract more of it! Even if we do positive thinking about what we do want, we are still coming from a place of fear, lack and desperation. We can waste a lot of time and effort clutching at straws, going over things, and repeatedly trying. Oddly enough trying harder doesn't work.
How do we get out of this?
1. Take your mind right away from what you want. Trust that it is coming and there is nothing more you have to do. Relax and let go. I mean really let go: do something else, forget about it, give yourself some time off. Do some voluntary work, help a friend out, go for a hike, make or build something. Focus on what you are creating or giving.
2. Take a few minutes a day to appreciate what you do have. A roof over your head, food in the fridge, good health, friends, family, what is in your bank account and your skills. Its more than just a list, get into the feeling of gratitude for even the smallest of things in your life. I remember a time when I had very few clients and was worried about it. So I started appreciating all the people who had ever come to me and giving thanks for all the ones booked in or yet to come. I let myself get really grateful and happy about how much I enjoyed my work. Much to my surprise I had two more bookings come in within an hour of doing this exercise.
3. Appreciate every time you see someone who appears to be successful, happy, healthy and wealthy. Start noticing the people who are doing well and be inspired by them. Its like buying a new car - you may have never noticed it on the road before but now they are everywhere!
4. Celebrate any good thing that comes your way. Tell your friends about it. It could be a tv programme that makes you feel good and inspires your life purpose, someone who calls you with good news or something you read. This is your GPS keeping you on track and the more your celebrate it the more it comes to you.
So look at where you are going, rather than at what you don't want. Lift your attitude with gratitude.
Check out my new course on Finding your Life Purpose here
Do you ever wonder where to go in your life?
How do you know when you are ready to take on a new direction?
Are you waiting for the right time?
I recently had some tuition with Christian Pankurst on this very topic. As I have been writing on this topic for a while, I thought it would be a good time to repost this blog. I will summarise what he said:
Everyone has an inner GPS. It is our guidance system. Just like a vehicle, we have to turn on the GPS to get it started – this means being prepared to listen to your inner self and act. Then we have to type in a destination of some sort. At this point the GPS doesn’t know exactly in which direction our vehicle is pointing, so it cannot give directions until we actually start to move forward. This is where many people get stuck. They don’t move, so no directions are issued. Once the vehicle starts to move, the GPS tells you where to go. This often comes with a good feeling/insight/hunch. It is usually followed by a confirmation of some sort which links back to your desired direction. It may even ask you the turn around, to face the correct direction! It gives you directions one turn at a time. You don’t need to know the whole route. If you get off track, the GPS corrects you until you get back on track. If you feel you have typed in the wrong destination part way through (as you now have new information) you can change your destination on the GPS.
A personal story....
Every year I go away for two weeks on holiday. It’s a relaxing time where I really switch off from work. I always read a lot and spend time on my own reflecting upon my direction for the forthcoming year. This year I read about some prophecies about the future. I thought long and hard about what difference I can make in my part of the world. I had two choices, learn more about plant medicine, or learn more about relationships and real love. Both looked viable - I knew I would have to study more and that I would also enjoy either option. When I got home I talked to a friend about the prophecies. It was a very frank discussion about probabilities: what could happen, what to prepare for, and how would I live my life irrespective of what actually occurs. When I told my friend about my two choices I was surprised to find that I felt heavy and “closed down” when I talked about plant medicine, and I felt deeply moved when I spoke about relationships and real love. Right there and then, the decision was made. Now I am on the move again, my GPS is ON!
There are times in my practice where I meet someone who is "searching" for a new direction or an answer to a question. I will here that person say "I don't know what to do".
This brings me to an experience I had many years ago. I was asked if I would promote a man visiting Nelson who did face reading. I hadn't met him before, but nonetheless agreed that I would put his course out in my networks. When he arrived in Nelson, he invited me out for dinner. It was lovely to meet him, and I found him very inspiring. One of the things he said to me was "Elayne, you reach for the stars". I knew what he meant, I was always looking for the next step, the next horizon, something new to discover or develop. I had this picture in my mind of me standing outside on a dark night reaching out to the stars. The problem was that when I stepped forward to touch them, they moved away. I could never get to them.
I guess I was in an expanded state when I was with him because I suddenly had an 'aha' moment. I remembered a movie I once saw - The Fifth Element - in this film this young man was looking for different elements. At one point he was searching for some crystals, and he found them inside of the body of a woman (she died in film). When I saw the crystals inside of her body I got a new idea... maybe I could carry the stars within me! From that time forth I began imagining all the things I wanted actually inside my body - a lovely home was one crystal, all the skills and tools I needed to be a healer was another, a dancing was another.
I started using different language about myself and in my self talk
"I know, even though I think I don't know"
"What would it take for this to show up in my life?"
"My inner voice is guiding me where to go, and I know I won't miss it when it comes"
"Its all unfolding, right before my eyes"
"Now is the right time and what I need just turns up"
I am engaged with the adventure - whether it is finding a new home, a different career or partner. When I see it already inside myself I place myself in a co-creation situation. If I know it is already there I can relax and follow my hunches, rather than panicking and overreaching OR freezing up.
So next time you here yourself saying
"I am waiting for..."
"I don't know what to do"
"I am overwhelmed"
"I don't see how this can happen"
"I have no idea what to do next"
turn it around! Imagine what you want, or the answer to what you need to know, is already inside of you. Speak about it like it already is.
Elayne Lane is an instructor of the Universal Healing Tao. She has been teaching and doing bodywork in excess of 14 years.